You all along
by MarkAngel-01
Summary: RemusSirius slash eventually - starts before Hogwarts and follows their lives and those around them as they set to overcome many obstacles eventually high rating as they grow up
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer : not mine all JK's

Summary: Remus and Sirius slash eventually will follow their lives as marauders and will include the other characters. Lots of friendship parts in this and self discovery. Forgive me if I get details wrong, but will write things to suit the way I want the story to go. Flame if you must have wrote this for me no one else.

Rating: Fairly low to start with but the rating will get higher as the characters develop.

Monster in me.

Remus pulled himself onto the cot bed shaking and shivering as the last convulsion left him with a deep ache in his heart and soul. Every fibre in his being burned every bone ached and wave upon wave of nauseous pain swept over his small frame. He rode the nausea and breathed through the pain, attempting to prevent drowning in the blackness of his mind before he cold ensure he would not freeze to death. Always so cold here his distorted mind thought as his blood and grime slicked fingers fumbled with the blankets blindly. He had always hated the cold and as his head swam and his vision dulled his last thoughts before he sunk into unconsciousness. Was that monsters deserve the cold.

Remus trod over the deep snow as he headed towards the small stone farm house that he had come to call home for this past year like all their other homes. He sighed wearily from his chores, there were not many but the full moon had passed only a few days ago and he tired easily. His eyes scanned he warmth that emitted from the small house calling him home but never quite. His parents would be there packing their belongings, it never took long, there were only ever a few items that they took with them to their new home. They would have only two trunks that would contain all of their possessions aside from the brooms they each had and the wands his parents possessed.

It was his fault, the constant running was because of who he was, what he became whenever the moon rose whole in the dark skies. They could never stay too long in one place easily driven away by enquiring neighbours for fear they would once again unveil their secret. Him. The monster. He shivered in the cold, cursing silently the cool winds around him and the snow beneath his feet. He had nearly froze the other morning whilst recovering from the transformation holed up in a hut. Only he in human form could let himself out of the places he spent the transformation, which meant he was alone after which was understandable, he was a hideous site. It had been that way since he was six and by now he was an expert at taking care of himself. At first he had cried for them to come help him but when they hadn't, he had learned what he needed to do to ensure he survived.

"They care for me" he told himself firmly, "they could have left me at the hospital like they should, its where I belong locked in some safe ward where I can never harm anyone, I'm a vile nasty blood thirsty killer and would never be no other". Entering the warmth of the house Remus only felt the bitter chills that ran through his body from the inside out. His father was right about him he was a dangerous animal that could never be normal.

Remus met his mothers eyes for mere seconds before lowering his gaze to not scare her away from him. She looked at him with warmth and perhaps pity, but she had warmth, she seemed to have that no matter what he did. Each full moon he became a hideous creature one undeserving of warmth, something that tainted the human he had become. Yet she always had warmth in her eyes for him, no matter how tired she looked or how much fear her eyes showed when she looked at him there was always warmth that he wanted to cling to. He really hated the cold. She patted him with caution a gentle touch barely felt against his skin, her fingers were barely touching, fingers too afraid to touch him, afraid and awaiting attack. He was still smaller than his mother yet gaining in height and when she did this he tried to make himself even smaller to make her feel less threatened by him. Her touches were few and far between and he cherished every last one of them and did all he could to make sure he didn't scare away further touches from her soft warm hands.

She smiled gently at the direction her son had just gone to collect his things, Tears glistening in her hazel eyes, he never needed telling he knew what was needed and expected of him and he never failed. He was the picture of perfection with her honey coloured hair and his deep amber eyes, and the vision of glory that stood before her was often a torment to her soul. Her beautiful baby boy was tainted by the blood that washed through him like a poison slowly working through his veins. He became a foul some creature every full moon a creature that tore away her precious son and became nothing more than a beast. They had warned her and her husband that he would never be the son they loved, that the person was tainted by the wolf and one day the wolf could easily win over the human side and drive him to terrible crimes. So each look she held for him was one of torment, love that she would always feel for her baby boy and hatred, fear and resentment for the creature inside of him. Eventually when the creature completely over rode the human she and her husband would use that hate for the creature to end their beloved sons suffering.


	2. Pretending

Sirius darted around the large courtyard, zooming in and out of the tall trees on his prize possession and best friend since he could fly. He loved flying he loved the freedom he felt with it the way he could make believe he was anything and anywhere when he was soaring through the sky. A life without rules without punishments and life that was his. He veered angrily to the left, using his whole body to turn his broom into a spiralling dive, rising moments before he hit the ground. He loved adrenaline, loved adventures and loved life, he wanted to find something that made his heart pound louder than flying did.

He soared over the place he called home "more like a bleeding prison " he thought to himself bitterly to himself as he descended eventually to the grounds. Soon would be the evening ball at the black household and as his fathers only heir he was expected to be present and behaved appropriately. He scowled at what that entailed, "wearing bloody best robes and looking like a complete arse, talking politics and about what a great house slytherin will be"

He really wished he had longer to soar over the ground to burn up the energy that seemed to bounce around inside of him. His father demanded that his behaviour be appropriate and that he show pure blood grace and charm that all blacks had, even him apparently

The high pitched screech hit his ears long before he saw her, the dreaded banshee woman, his mother. Hard faced with an air of distaste for everything around her and a voice like poisoned honey. Sickly sweet and able to strike fear into the hearts of braver men than him. He had convinced himself that she was part banshee, no way that voice was normal.

A high screeching noise filled the air again as he neared his mother "Sirius Black,, how dare you be out here flying around like some fool, you know very well we have guests and no respectable Black has interest in flying or that barbarian spot you love to play, now get yourself inside and do not make me ask twice or................."

Sirius tuned her voice out as he often did, scowling slightly at her slanderous words about quidditch, which was simply the best sport around. At least his father was a fan that was the one thing that stopped his mother breaking him most prized broom into firewood. All because she was scared of flying, not that she would ever admit that.

His face drained as he felt the spell hit the side of his head, he flinched in pain, he hated when she did this, he would be feeling the pain for several hours now. Her shrill voice was scalding him for not paying attention and he heard enough to know that he needed to be dressed and ready to present himself sooner than possible.

He hurried towards his room wanting to hide away from the rest of his family who were obviously mad, they saw no fun or life in anything, their whole world was black like their name. Sighing softly Sirius began to get ready for a very long night, pretending to be the perfect son, pretending to be above everyone else, pretending to give a damn who was who, pretending all night to be someone he wasn't.


End file.
